Badger

Welcome to the National Zoo, Badger.

May 10th, 1901:

Where am I? How did I get here? A few days ago I was living the life in Yellowstone National Park, and then BAM! Here I am in some sort of cage, with one other random badger that I'm forced to share space with. This isnt good. This guy's invading my territory. Nothing personal, I know, but I can't abide another badger trying to come into my territory. Either he's going to leave, or I'm going to have to kick him out. This cage is jus too small for me, and from the looks of what's happened so far, I would say that no one's going to come and clean it. This certainly doesn't look like it's going to be a good place to live. But now, let's go over what I remember about being brought here.

It was just a normal night at the park, going about my business, when these big humans jumped me and threw a bag over me. Before I knew what was happening they had clubbed me senseless. I woke up some time later with a massive headache, in some sort of moving room I overheard the humans calling a train. When that nightmare finally ended, after about four or five days (it was hard to tell shut in the windowless room). I was bundled off the train and taken to this strange place. I still remember the incredible noise. It was so much louder than yellowstone, with complete cacophony coming from every direction. I though I heard the distinguishing yelps of my friend Anthony the coyote, but I was bundled away from the noise before I could be sure. After a twisting, turning journey I was finally left here, dumped in a cage, waiting to see what would come of my reluctant relocation

Yeah, looks like I'm stuck here

May 11th, 1901:

Noise, noise, noise, noise! So many people pouring past my cage, staring in at me with their beady eyes and strange hides. I mean, come on, who has camoflauge patterns like //that//? How can these females breathe??? Their waists are smaller around than mine!! Humans make absolutely no sense. They leave me well enough alone, probably because they want to see the more impressive animals, like the wolves and the eagles and those big guys called "elephants." They want a thrill. Bah! They look at me once before moving on to the next cage in line and pretend that they've seen a real, wild, badger. They've seen nothing. They have no idea how it really is, out in the wild. How can they appreciate me if all they see is me lounging in this boring wooden cage, bored out of my mind, not hunting or fighting or digging, and barely moving? This is ridiculous. I've been fed nothing but mice and small rodents all day, and while I do normally eat these, I'm finding myself longing for the taste of fruit. This other guy is also starting to get seriously annoying, trying to take up more and more territory in our tiny little land. Soon this is going to come to a fight. I've already snapped at him a few times. THAT was when the humans got interested. All they want to see is me fighting somebody. I tried snapping at them a few times, but that didn't seem to work, with the cage and all. What's more, these people are messing with my sleeping patterns! THey expect me to stay up all day with nothing to do! I'm really starting to hate this place.

crazy Humans. I mean, who would wear this???

May 12th, 1901:

OK, I've got to get out of here. This place is driving me nuts. The only good thing I can think about this place is that they do feed me every day, and there's very little chance of me starving... unless of course someone forgets about me, very possible since the main attraction of this zoo seems to be the exotic animals like the elephants or wolves. However, the downside of never having to hunt for food is that I'm quickly becoming lazy and out of shape. There's not enough room in my cage for me to actually exercise, and I can feel myself gaining weight every day. If I don't get out of here soon I'm going to die. That's not paranoia, that's not speculations, that's fact. I can't live in this place for much longer before I die of malnutrition. Me and my friend the Coyote are going to bust out of here tonight. Then we'll go see the city, and if we can we'll catch one of those train things back to Yelllowstone. It's probably also better for my cage-mate as well, because he'll be without another badger. A few more days and there'll be a fight between us, a serious fight. I think it's about time to get out of here. With any luck my next diary entry will be from the city of Washington, D.C.

May 19th, 1901:

Well, we made it. It was a close call, but we got out of this godforsaken "zoo" place. This was one wild ride. It all started at 11:00, in the dead of night, after all the spectators had gone home. Looking around to see if anyone was there, i quickly used my sharp claws to pick apart the lock and opened the door. Finally free, I dropped to the ground, flexing all of my muscles. It was good to finally be out of this cramped cage. I didn't bother closing the door. If my cage-mate wanted to escape, he could go for it. If not, he could live with the consequences. From there, it was only a short walk to Coyote's cage, but it took much longer than I expected, as I had to periodically dodge members of the Smithsonian Guard. At a little before midnight I got to to the Coyote's cage and picked his lock the same way I had picked my own. Then we were out, sprinting between the cages for freedom, feeling just like we had when we used to hunt together in Yellowstone. We took out the guard with ease. Humans are surprisingly soft and weak, especially these city dwellers who've never had to live in the wild, hunting for their food. It's hard to be dangerous when the last time you got your food you ordered it from N.K. Fairbank &Co. And so now we're out, wandering the streets of Washington, D.C.

May 20th, 1901:

The first word I would use to describe this city is noisy. The streets are crowded, dirty, and smelly, and there's no place

May 21st, 1901: 